New chapters, new beginnings & COURAGE!
Courage. Merriam-Webster defines it as this: “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty
MY definition is found in a quote I love: “Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but a decision that what we want is more important than what we are afraid of.” – Bill Crawford
Finding courage is a meaningful thing to me. I spent many years struggling to find the energy to simply face the day, let alone step out on my own to accomplish something. Recently, I made the decision to go to college and attain my degree in nursing. I realize that to some or maybe most of you, that may not seem like a big deal. To me, though, it meant overcoming many issues I have had with anxiety, but primarily, recognizing that it was okay for me to do this for myself.
I have always been of the belief that if I worked outside the home, I wasn’t aligning my priorities correctly. After all, isn’t a mother supposed to stay home, cook and clean, homeschool the kiddo’s, and be presentable when hubby comes home to dinner on the table.
HA!!!
Never did it ever work out like that. I would try, though, and usually it would end up with me crying while cooking dinner as hubby walked in while the two older kids were running around like monkeys and the baby boy twins were biting each others arms. Inevitably, I would be frustrated to no end…until I realized that not every household has to operate under a specific regimen. I can’t even describe the agony and utter confusion it caused me to think that it was okay to do things my way in my house. I didn’t have to answer to the other moms that I thought I had to live up to…nor did they care if I did! As a friend recently told me, “where is the panel of judges that pats you on the back for a job well done? A bit disillusioning to one day realize there is no audience to your life really but yourself (at least while we are on this earth…)” (Thanks, Peter) To recognize that God wouldn’t be displeased with me if I pursued an interest outside of the home is a free-ing thing. To even further realize through prayer that God is opening doors for this to happen is even more liberating. To feel like I’m doing something to eventually help provide for my family is a good thing. I’m all for stay-at-home moms, but have come to realize that God is calling me into something more than JUST a mother and a wife.
It just hit me one day…”I can do this!” I went to the college, took a placement test, talked to a counselor, registered and signed up for classes…ALL without one little pang of uncertainty. There’s been panic moments since then, but they’ve come and gone.
I feel like Annie when she walked into Daddy Warbucks house. “I think I’m gonna like it here!” It’s such a good place for me to be.
Some of my favorite nurces have been mothers. When my son has been critically ill and when I’ve had my babies, they had an “insiders” angle that enabled them to reach past physical needs and minister to us spiritially. Not that childless woman can’t do that, too. But I can’t imagine a world without experienced mothers who nurce professionally or otherwise.
((((((hugs))))))
What a great post. You go, girl! I relate in, oh, about a million ways.